This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
