I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
