I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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