We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
