names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
