Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
