You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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