I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize