i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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