And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
