she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
