I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
