his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
