dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
