My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm having to shit out rocks
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
