i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
