I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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