I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
