I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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