I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize