im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
