i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
