I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
