Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize