Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
