threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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