Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
vagina is talking i cant
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
