made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
