I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
