I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
