i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
