tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He better not be in your backpack
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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