I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
