"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
