Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
