the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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