i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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