so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
