After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
