i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize