Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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