I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
