1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
