he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
