John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize