Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
