I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
