he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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