everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
my poor anus
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