I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
