if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
