Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
