If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
