Yo dont text me then not text me
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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