theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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