My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
