I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
