dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
