Drunk walkin through police station. America
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
