Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
