Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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