They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
