apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
