ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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