So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The air was thick with penises
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
