i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
