Can Purell be used as lube?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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